Sombre dawn -
Weighted, packed and clinging
Is the baggage that remains
As the near-deserted tunnelbana
Jolts steadily my leave
And from Hammarbyhöjden
To Skärmarbrink junction
I see myself in the glaze of a window.

To stare at one’s reflection
With no trace of vanity,
No abstraction,
To stare at the self
In one certain moment,
When nothing is certain and all is absurd,
To stare at the mask of the mind
That has nothing left,
Just existence,
Feeling nothing except the absorption of time
And the haunting eyes
In which time has stopped.

Give me defeat for it fuels my progression.
Humiliate me and harden me for losing.
I fail because of choice itself
And not the choices I make.

There is no prescribed way to impart oneself,
Only that which tests and destroys
To rebuild and destroy again.

What would I be
If I had not chanced
Everything I had become?
In every loss
I gain and reap
More than I lost.

This will always be
My eternal hanging.